Monday, March 9, 2009

What's G?

What’s G?
It is a clever marketing tool where the goal is to enshroud whatever useless and unnecessary product is being sold, in mystery.

What’s G?
It’s a collection of really cool black people hamming it up for the camera with occasional token white chicks thrown in. Usually commercials have a token black guy but they’ve turned this whole thing around by having really cool black dudes like Wade, Jeter and Cassius Clay (He’s Muhammad Ali now. His momma call him Clay! He Clay to me!!) that are very popular in fantasy sports drafts (Wade), clubs where whores hang out looking for rich athletes to bang (Jeter), and with the three boxing enthusiasts left on Earth (Ali/Clay). I’m not exactly sure who the women in the commercial are. One looks like my dental hygienist. The others are, presumably, chicks that Jeter has had sex with.

What’s G?
Maybe it’s the three buffoons at the end of the commercial, with the Jason Voorhees masks, that look eerily similar to Alex’s white-clad droogs in Clockwork Orange if they grew up and became hip-hop artists. The only thing they’re missing is the enormous testicle holders the droogs wore.
(Tell us G boy. What didst thou in those testicle holders….have!).

What’s G?
My first reaction was that it was some kind of erectile dysfunction drug. Those commercials are as vague as the lyrics of a Yes song and so was this one. But then I saw Jeter and thought maybe it was a libido inhibitor drug.

What’s G?
That’s easy. It’s the 7th letter in the alphabet. There are many great words that begin with it like: G-String, G-Cup, G-spot, and Gporn (the G is silent), etc. Seven and its alphabetical equal (G) is a very significant number in many religious cultures like:
  • Judaism – the number of days it took God to create the world and the number of Jewish women that are not annoying.
  • Hinduism – the number of Chakras and the number of Hindus that haven’t bathed in the Ganges.
  • Christianity – the number of days it took God to create the world and the number of Vatican cardinals that have not considered engaging in pederasty.
  • Islam – the number of heavens and the number of (insert your own joke here because if I do some Imam will issue a Fatwa against me).

It is also considered lucky. We are not so lucky because we are constantly bombarded with this stupid commercial.

It seems that there is more than one of these G commercials. I’m not going to watch any more of them. I urge you to do the same and avoid whatever product is being peddled. If they don’t have enough respect for you to tell you what they are selling then you should not have enough respect for them to buy their product.
What is D?