Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Believe In Something Worse (part 2)

Our favorite cell phone company has a new billboard. This time, instead of the kid in a box symbolizing the prison we all live in, we have two fools competing over which one gets the longer half of the wishbone. I don’t need to tell you what happened. It split evenly down the middle and so both of them will now “believe in something better”.

How can the universe grant two wishes at once? Two winners at the same time? No way. There has to be a balance. Someone has to win and someone has to lose. It’s yin and yan, black and white, Montagues and Capulets, dogs and cats, Paris and Nicole. Our favorite cell phone company is misrepresenting the rules of the universe to sell more cell phone contracts. We cannot let this aggression stand. We need a counter campaign explaining that the Gods of Chaos will not rule our lives. There must be Law. And the law is: only one person gets a wish from a chicken bone.
Also, PETA is extremely upset about this add. An actual chicken was killed and the wishbone extracted with an unwashed hand to get this ad photographed. Do not screw with PETA or they will throw flour or eggs on you. Of course, if they throw eggs aren’t they killing unborn chickens? Discuss.

Cell Phones = Human Bane

And yes I am a huge hypocrite because I have one. That doesn’t lessen my disdain. I am their slave too. We will be emancipated. The Lincoln of our times will show up and abolish this for something better. Maybe that’s what the ads mean? Hmmm.

In conclusion, I’d like to report seeing a woman take a left turn out of a strip mall, drive straight into the median, jump the curb and run completely over the sign that was there. See the Do Not Enter sign on this median? This is a good example of what she ran over.

She killed this poor thing. Ripped it right out of the concrete. Then she gets back on the actual road but instead of just driving on she stops and gets out of the car presumably to see if the sign is all right. It wasn’t. This is all I witnessed. You’re probably wondering how it is possible to miss the road and run over a sign bolted to the concrete of the median dividing the road aren’t you? Your mistake is in assuming that this stupid woman was actually looking at the road and had both hands on the wheel. Neither of these things happened. She had one hand on the wheel and one hand on a…CELL PHONE!!!!! See her conversation with her friend about why her husband didn’t find her attractive anymore was more important than personal safety so she killed the poor sign and tomorrow she’ll do it all over again and who knows? She may kill an actual person next time. Hopefully, it’s not you.

Brought to you by Disencouragement.com and The Abolish Cell Phones from Automobiles Society

1 comment:

David Matthews said...

maybe she will kill a chicken