Jogging

What is the point of doing this?
Is it to so you can wear the latest Body Armour fashion and prance around the neighborhood like an antelope to show us your bony ass? Do you know why it’s bony? It is because you’ve burned off all body fat and now you look like Keira Knightley if she were on a diet.

Is it to train for a marathon?
The guy that originally ran the marathon did it to tell the Athenians that the Persians had been defeated. He died afterwards. Do you want to die running a distance that is based on a legend that is probably not true? Did Paul Revere run to warn of the movements of the foul British redcoats? No he used a horse. Why didn’t this Greek guy use a horse? My guess is because he was an idiot like the people that jog in my neighborhood when it’s 15 degrees outside (Not Celsius).

Is it to attract a mate? You have other options:

• Make a lot of money.
• Get breast augmentation.
• Botox your lips.
• Put a cucumber in your pants a la Derek Smalls.
• Stop being a picky bitch
• Get a chick magnet car like a 1994 Honda civic hatchback.
• Get a prostitute
• Have a good personality
• Internet Porn – This is the best mate of all. Right hand down.

Is it for health reasons?
Jogging is a foolish activity that will lead to physical problems. Here are a few:

1. Mucus buildup – Admittedly, there are men who admire a bony ass but there are none that I am aware of that are attracted to mucus. The word itself is repugnant. What if a food were named Mucus? I’d like a Mucus sandwich and a diet coke please. Would you eat that?
2. Knee problems – Contrary to some medical journals, it is widely believed that you do need your knees to be free of ligament damage and the chronic pain caused by having the pressure of your body weight fall upon them repeatedly as you show off your new trendy headband to the adoring neighbors.
3. Ankle problems – The force from the idiotic activity called jogging on your ankles is 3 to 5 times your body weight. Now I realize for the bony ass people this is only 150 lbs but it’s still three times your body weight. Eat something dude!
4. Professional athletes die younger – Using the Pythagorean theorem this means that jogging is a slow form of suicide. If you encourage other humans to do it then it’s pesticide which is actually one of the few benefits of jogging.
5. Death – This is the 2nd worst physical problem you can get. The worst is erectile dysfunction. Jogging can stop your heart. Just ask Jim Fixx and the myriad of marathoners that have died while trying to equal the feat of a mythical Greek messenger.

Disencouragement.com strongly advises against this activity. It can only lead to your ruin. We strongly suggest that you enter a 12-step program to wean yourself off jogging.
The 12 steps are easy to memorize.
Step 1 through 12 – DO NOT JOG

Disencouragement.com
Endorsed by The Knee and Ankle Foundation
Not Endorsed by the Grim Reaper and Knee Surgeons