Monday, February 23, 2009

Leave Your Baby's Penis Alone

If you are stupid enough to have children (and you probably are) you will be given a choice at the hospital if your child happens to be male. A guy in blue pajamas is going to ask you if you would like to have him mutilate your newborn son by slicing off part of his penis. Do not give your consent for this inhumane procedure and here’s why:

The American Medical Association and European Medical Associations do not recommend this barbaric behavior and feel it is totally unnecessary. However, certain archaic belief systems and their brainwashed clergy, acolytes and laity ritually mutilate newborn children without their consent and have somehow convinced Americans to do the same. Just because something has been done for centuries based on rules set forth in some ancient text of unknown authorship does not mean that it has to be done in our modern scientific world. Pederasty was an accepted practice by the ancient Greeks. Do you accept that today? Hell no unless you’re a Roman priest. Reject circumcision.

Only 30% of males are mutilated at birth so if you have this done to your heir then he will be part of a minority group and I know you don’t want that for your child. No one likes minorities. If you don’t want your rights trampled on you better be in the majority you foreskin-lacking fool.

Male circumcision is a vast conspiracy of feminist groups to symbolically castrate males in order for them to one day take over the world and create an Amazonian Utopia where males are paid less for equal work, forced to cook and clean, valued only for their beauty and considered less intelligent. Does that sound familiar? Let’s make sure we keep the status quo on this one. After all this is a patriarchal society. The penis is important and it needs every inch of its skin. Hedwig only had one inch and look how depressed he was.

American women, who are used to the mutilated penis, will think your son’s looks weird. This could be beneficial. It makes him memorable. He stands out. Instead of spending money on peacocking accessories like leather bracelets, rings, necklaces, tattoos, stylish clothes and shoes, a BMW etc to attract them (so he can ultimately be tricked into marriage and children) all he has to do is show them his uncircumcised penis and he will be one up on those football helmet penis guys. He will be in like Flynt thus increasing his chances of making you a grandfather and perpetuating the misery and hopelessness that is human life.

Hospitals keep all the foreskins and eventually recycle by using them in plastic surgery procedures. Do you want part of your son’s penis to end up on Michael Jackson’s nose? Joan Rivers’ cheek? Some starlet’s breasts? (Actually, that’s not a bad fate) You probably don’t. What if someone steals the foreskins and makes a skin suit out of them like the guy in Silence of the Lambs? “It rubs the lotion on its penis” “It puts the foreskin in the basket”

America! Beacon of Light in the Darkness! I beseech you to stop this primitive, ritualistic behavior. End circumcision now. thanks you and the penises of your unborn sons thank you. 

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