Monday, September 29, 2008

An Open Letter to the Girl from Jessie's Girl

Dear Jessie's Girl,

You've made the wrong choice. You always do. Jessie is undoubtedly using you. He's shallow. He can get any girl he wants and soon you will be an afterthought. He only cares about your beautiful body.
I'm assuming your body is beautiful based on the Homerian ode written about you from Lovesick Fool that has become an integral part of the cover band culture if not American culture altogether.

The lovesick fool probably loves you. He would treat you very well most likely. I'm not sure why he would do this because you certainly don't deserve it but the guy's a lovesick fool so it's likely he would do your bidding for all eternity. Why not change your silly, self-defeating habits and go out with a guy that will treat you with respect for once?

Yeah I know. Jessie's exciting. He's got a motorcycle, plays in a band, has multiple dragon tattoos and he ignores you at just the right times. The lovesick fool likes sports and drives some non-descript junk heap made by GM. Boooring! It's no contest. But when you're 50 and your beauty is lone gone you will wish you had made a different choice.

I'm not here to judge you although it seems like I am. I'd bang Jessie too. The other guy's affections towards you show weakness thus eliminating him forever. It's such a turn-off when someone is attracted to you isn't it? I get it. Enjoy the path you've carved out for yourself.

Yours Truly,
'Bringing harsh reality on a daily basis'

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