Friday, September 19, 2008

Quit Your Job and Live With Your Parents

You are going to fail. It's inevitable. I admit it is possible to get paid a ludicrous sum for staring at a computer screen and maybe doing a few v-lookups to make it seem like you are producing but in the end where will it get you?
1) You'll be saddled with debt because you have to afford that overpriced luxury vehicle you do not really need. I have a 15-year old rusty Honda civic hatchback. It gets me where I need to go (usually). Today the speedometer was not working properly so, as I was driving, I punched at the biodegradeableless plastic cover that was keeping that dial from feeling the full extent of my wrath, with my knuckles. It sprang into action at some point after that but then failed again later as if it was teasing me like a frigid woman would. Speaking of women....
2) You will be saddled with that overpriced woman that looks better than most right now but in ten years will look more similar to the Stay-puff marshmallow man who would have destroyed the world if those guys hadn't crossed the streams. She will make you buy a house you can't afford. She will make you fill that house with knick-knacks like that illegal cigar lighter from Cuba or that really cool monkey paw necklace from Vanuatu that was on sale at Pier One. Then the guillotine really falls. Kids. Lots of 'em. Children signify your death. Picture them in black robes carrying your coffin to its hole or better yet picture them whipping you as you carry the cross to Golgotha. You are now a martyr for a woman that probably does not love you and children that will suck your blood like an Anne Rice protagonist.
3) Does there need to be a three? You get the point. You're a slave. A paid slave. That's the worst kind because you think you're free. But you are not.

Quit your job and move in with your parents. If you dont like your parents quit your job anyway. Get one that you like. Society will brand you a loser because you work at Target or deliver dry cleaning to the woman from #2. Your biggest crime against other humans is that you will be free of ambition and that my disencouraged friend seems to be the biggest crime of all in our little Matrix.

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